Samsara: Chapter 2 – Julian

Julian

Present Time

San Francisco, California

Julian decided to come to his office much earlier than usual. He didn’t want any of his staff to see him this morning.   He looked a wreck when he woke up at 3:00 a.m. and couldn’t go back to sleep. His office is located at one of the tallest building in San Francisco, and the view of the sunrise will calm his being.  I should not have done it. But, I had to. I can’t go on like this in this life. Julian looks at his reflection in his window. His light brown hair is starting to show some specks of gray on the sides of his temple, and many have said that the gray has added distinction to his features. His features made women swoon in his entire life (an annoying cliché). His face looked as though an angel carved it himself: jaws that are sharply squared, and when he’s tense, one can tell but the way they flex in agitation (another cliché). His eyes are soulful and kind, but oftentimes reflect a longing that no one can quite place. The women in his past all believed that they won the lottery to be considered as his lover, but they all find that they could never get close enough to a man who can be the ticket to their happiness, but instead, decided to take the rough road in life. Some of his colleagues believe that his ruggedness was from years of taking up extreme sports. What they don’t know is that Julian’s ruggedness were for something far more extreme. As he continue to wait for the sunrise, he takes a glimpse at his reflection, and he sees an emptiness in his blue eyes from all these years of a man in search for meaning and purpose in life.

However, this morning, there is a spark behind them, and he notices that his lips begin to slightly smile at himself.

As the sun begins to rise in the city that he’s decided to call home for the last ten years, he hears his door open and see Bertrand walk in with determination. Bertie. His dear friend of many lives before this one, his moral compass, and his guide. Bertrand precedes Julian by ten years. His hair is mostly covered in gray, and he wears his wire rimmed spectacles that frames his brown eyes on a daily basis now, where at one point, he only needed them to read. Bertrand laughs at himself every now and then, and wonders why he chose to look like a professor in this life. He’s a few inches shorter than Julian’s great height of 6’2, but both men possess a very kind, yet powerful presence when seen together. Bertrand had always felt that his purpose in life is to guide, and provide friendship to the people in his life—in particular, one person—Julian. Bertrand is a devoted and loyal person, and can recall many lifetimes that he’s had to be the moral compass for his friend, and sometimes brother. He has known no other service than to Julian.

The men look at each other, and Bertrand didn’t have to speak. Julian looks at his companion with pleading eyes revealing everything without the words being said out loud.

        I had to Bertie. They will get mad at me for doing it. But, I had to find her. Please don’t look at me as if I’ve devastated the plan.

Bertrand returns his gaze, “you promised her, Julian. You promised her before we decided to live this life. You told her you would let her be– just this once for all eternity. You just triggered a change in the plans that we’ve all set.” Bertrand looks at his friend knowing the sadness that plagued him.

Julian continues to look at Bertrand with defiance.

“I cannot go on, Bertrand. I saw her, and we.. there is no describing us. We should have not been separated. Her plan was ridiculous. We could be successful in every life we choose. She cannot do this alone,” Julian turns his back on his friend to face the sunrise.

“Julian. You let yourself be known to her. You knew the rules set upon the both of you.”

“Those were her rules—I never agreed to them.”

“Please don’t tell me you found her. We cannot pursue this. You cannot pursue this, Julian.”

Julian did not respond to his lifelong friend. As Julian stood on top of his empire that he’s built on his own without her, her face continues to burn in his mind.

            I found you. You don’t know who I am in this life, but your heart and mind will.

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