Samsara: A Promise

vincent-van-gogh-almond-branches-in-bloom-san-remy-1890-impressionism-painting-botanical-artwork
Van Gogh’s Almond Tree.

 

There is a battle within my soul.

I feel as if I am rebelling against my higher self.

There is strength within me that wants to defy what it was I planned.

I have called myself irrational for making a decision with how I wanted to live this life.

To live in this life without the air that is him.

To survive in this life without the heart that beats with him.

 

Ignorance was the purpose.

To be ignorant of his existence so that I can live a restful life.

Ignorant of  such love.

 

A love greater than what exists in this life.

A love that defies any form in this world.

A love that I do not have in this life.

 

I wander through this life with a purpose.

To live, to breathe, to learn, to teach, to transcend.

To rest.

 

I try to wander without regret.

 

There is a battle within my soul.

I regret only that I chose to live without our divine love.

There is strength within me to continue.

A strength fueled from knowing the truth.

In my next life, I promise to be with you.

 

~0~

 

I will sit here and wait.

On this little hill with our majestic tree. Its branches hovering.

You know this place.

You visit it in your dreams every night. When you close your eyes, you can almost get the image of this place right.

 

Let me remind you.

 

The grassy hill overlooks our house and the fields surrounding it.

You used to walk up this hill and sit under our tree.

Do you remember?

You’ve come close to remembering in all your lives. When you see a hill and a lone tree standing on top of it. But, you knew in your heart that wasn’t our place.

You’ve driven by fields where your eye would fall on one tree surrounded by nothing, and you’d think to yourself, “that’s not it.”

You never even knew why such thoughts would run through your mind.

 

I’ve professed my love for you here.

You have said, “yes” many times when I’ve asked you to be my wife.

We’ve danced, loved, and fought under our tree.

We’ve grieved all our children here throughout all those lifetimes.

I’ve watched your pain every time, and watched you bury a piece of yourself with them.

 

We’ve planned our lives together here.

 

You’ve told me you liked me, hated me, despised me, adored me, disappointed in me, respected me, and most of all, would love me eternally, and divinely.

This is where you said that you will go your own path without me.

 

Without us.

 

You said to let you be this time around.

I waited for you to change your mind.

I am waiting for you still.

Under our tree on this hill.

 

I promise to wait for your return.

When you do, I will tell you how I love you still.

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