Samsara: A Letter

claude-monet
Water Lillies. Claude Monet.

My Dearest,

If I could, I would like to take back the decision I made. It was made in haste– for in this life, I  made sure to never remember its reason.

If the intent of such reasoning is to learn a lesson, I’d like to declare that while it may have taken several lifetimes, I learned it nonetheless.

To live a life without you must have been a decision made with declaration that I was willing to embark on a lifetime without you here.  While such decisions created a chasm of uncertainty and certainty, it may have been growing in my mind like a thought one nurses for many centuries and lifetimes.

I know this to be true.

Because there is no other form of suffering that one can put upon themselves than the idea of living without love–divine love–love that transcends such understanding, and complexity.

I have loved in this life.

I have fallen in and out of “love.”

But, I always knew that no matter what form of love it was–it was not one that many speak of when they fall in-love with their person.

We are what they call twin souls.  This much is true because I know of you.

They say that such love is uncontrollable, and these twin souls are profoundly magnetic to one another that they cannot help themselves. They’d feel as if they were always meant to be without rationality.

I did not have such love in this life.

But, I do know and felt such love, and the magnitude that cannot be explained.

If I could, I would like to take back the decision I made.

There is no other form of suffering in life,

than to live without such love.

And with this lesson,

I hope once again that I will be worthy to be with you.

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