An August Sunset

“Creating is the natural opposite of destroying; creative action neutralizes destructive impulses.” -Kathleen McGowan, “The Sources of Miracles”

Lately, the desire to create for me has been depleted.  There are days where I feel that posting a photo on Instagram is enough to count towards creative expression. 

There’s a sense of guilt at times where I feel as though sitting at my desk and writing a chapter is an act where many do not have the privilege to do because of the state of the world. 

It’s a cyclical feeling of not doing enough to help, feeling guilty of not doing enough, feeling guilty for having the luxury to feel that way–and so on. 

I find that I don’t know how to describe this particular moment in our history. What I do find is that everyone has an opinion, and their social media posts are the platform to express them. I find myself thinking that even though people may not agree on social/political matters, they could at least acknowledge that having opinions is what they could agree on. 

There’s an overwhelming feeling of anxious anticipation in the world today.

So to alleviate such feeling for me, I always ask for a sign every morning when I meditate–which have become part of a daily routine. The sign could be the answer for my daily questions:

Will life ever go back to normal?

In my next life, will I meet the same people?

Will my husband ever finish his to do list?

Am I ever going to finish writing those novels?

I don’t feel guilty about having these random questions in my mind, and I believe everyone should be able to have a moment to ask these questions for themselves–without judgment or hearing that guilty “tsk-tsk” sound in their minds. 

This weekend we took a quick trip to Anchorage for errands, and we had a moment to visit with my brother and his family led to an unplanned hike/walk about at the Beluga point lookout where not only I got to see a sunset in the middle of August, but I was truly surrounded by people I love. I’ve learned that the most beautiful sunsets I have seen in my life were all purely accidental. 

In that brief moment as the ocean sparkled around us, and a guy in his cow costume walked around while a wedding photo shoot was happening, there we were standing on the lookout and watching the glorious sun set behind the mountains. The sun will always rise just as it would always set–that alone is a reminder of what is truly continuous and everlasting. 

I stood there and found my sign for the day.